My dog doesn't want to say hi.
When I shared this photo just over a year ago, it caused a lot of stir on the internet.
People were mad. I was called names, I was accused of mistreating my dog, and I was told repeatedly that if my dog couldn’t handle being greeted by another, he had no business leaving my home.
I know this topic can be a sensitive one, so I was ready for some difference in opinions.
What I didn’t prepare for was the entitlement. The blatant selfishness. The loathing directed at me because my dog has different boundaries than someone else’s.
I feel that this topic is an incredibly important one to talk about. These dogs, the ones who need some extra space deserve to have someone to speak up on their behalf.
So I will continue to be that voice.
My dog doesn’t want to say hi.
Period. Full stop.
No, it doesn’t matter that your dog is friendly.
No, we don’t care that you’ve owned dogs your entire life.
No, I don’t owe you an explanation for why he needs space.
No, I don’t need to defend my dog’s boundaries to satisfy you.
My dog needs space. That’s a complete sentence - that’s all you need to know.
It’s your responsibility as a human to hear that and respect that. There could be 100 different reasons why I am making this request - those reasons don’t matter.
Please respect our space. Respect our words. Respect our boundaries.
My dog doesn’t want to say hi.
Let me expand on this and attempt to provide further clarity.
This post was written about my dog while out on a leash walk in a designated on-leash area. It would be highly unreasonable of me to expect an off-leash dog, in an off-leash designated park or trail, not to approach my dog; and I would never expect that.
If my dog does not enjoy being approached by other dogs, I would simply avoid taking him to areas where this would be a risk.
The problem, for dog guardians like me, is that many other guardians are either unaware of or choose to ignore leash laws, allowing their dogs to roam off-leash in areas where leash laws are in place. This creates an issue for me and my dog, and results in me having to have this exact conversation.
When I say my dog “doesn’t want to say hi,” what I mean is, my dog doesn’t want to be approached or interacted with; whether is this from a stranger or a novel dog.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t walk on this sidewalk or enjoy this part of the city simultaneously. My dog just doesn’t want to interact with you while you do it.
Just as I’m allowed to dislike (and reject) a hug from another person, my dog is allowed to dislike being approach, reached for, talked to, or pet by a stranger.
Not all dogs enjoy or are comfortable interacting with strangers (human or otherwise). There’s nothing wrong with that.
This doesn’t make him a bad dog, or aggressive, or mean that he is not welcome to step foot onto public paths.
There are many different reasons why a dog might require this space:
he’s afraid of strange people/dogs,
he’s recovering from surgery and needs to be handled carefully,
he’s training and an interaction would be too distracting,
he’s ill and I don’t want to infect your dog,
and the list goes on.
The long and the short of it is, my dog needing space has nothing to do with you or your dog. It’s not a personal attack on you, and it really should not inconvenience your outing at all. Simply walk on by.
If you are walking your off leash dog in an area where leashes are required, yes, you may have to recall them to you and put a leash on in order to maintain the space I have created. I would encourage you to familiarize yourself with local leash laws if this is problematic for you.
Greeting novel dogs is not a right, it’s a privilege, and not one that can be automatically assumed.
Some dogs don’t enjoy or do well in these types of interactions, and shouldn’t have to tolerate or be forced into interactions they are not consenting to.
If someone asks you not to approach their dog, or crosses the street when they pass you, they are likely doing their very best to ensure their dog feels safe on their walk, and you respecting that space can make all the difference in the world.
Kindness and respect are not expensive, but they have immeasurable value.
Stay awesome,
Vanessa
Vanessa Charbonneau, is the author of Dog Care for Puppies: A guide to Feeding, Playing, Grooming and Behavior. She owns Sit Pretty Behavior & Training, employing force-free training techniques to work with companion dogs and their owners. Charbonneau lives in Prince George, BC with her husband, two daughters, and one dog.
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